For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules of dealing with women. At last this points guide will help you to understand just how it works.
AIM:
Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's just the way the game's played.
Here's a guide to the points system:
SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed ...............................+1
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.....-1
You leave the toilet seat up....................-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty... 0
When the toilet paper has run out, you resort to Kleenex...-1
You go out to buy her extra-light pantie liners with wings...+5
in the snow.....................................+8
but return with beer............................-5
and no liners..................................-25
You check out a suspicious noise at night.........0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing... 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something...+5
You smash it with a cricket bat...................+10
It's her cat...................................-40
AT THE PARTY
You stay by her side the entire evening........... 0
You stay by her side for a bit, then go and chat with a mate from the pub...-2
Called Tiffany......................-4
Who is a lap dancer................-10
With breast implants...............-18
HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her birthday............................... 0
You buy a card and flowers.............................. 0
You take her out to dinner.............................. 0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar....+1
Ok, it is a sports bar................................-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night.........................-3
It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is
painted the colours of your favourite team...-10
A NIGHT OUT WITH THE boyS
Go with a mate....................................... 0
The mate is happily married..........................+1
The mate is single...................................-7
He drives a Ferrari.................................-10
With a personalised license plate (GR8 NBED)........-15
A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a see a film..........................+2
You take her to a see a film she likes................+4
You take her to a see a film you hate.................+6
You take her to a see a film you like.................-2
It's called Death Cop III.............................-3
Featuring Cyborgs that eat humans.....................-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans...-15
YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable pot belly...................-15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it...+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and
baggy shirts...-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too."......-800
THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You hesitate in responding......................-10
You reply, "Where?".............................-35
You reply, "No, I think it's your arse".........-100
Any other response..............................-20
COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned expression.............0
You listen, for over 30 minutes..........................+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience.... +50
You're mind wanders to football and you suddenly hear her saying
"well, what do you think I should do?".........-100
You have fallen asleep.............................-200
IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH
You talk.........................................-100
You don't talk...................................-150
You spend time with her..........................-200
You don't spend time with her....................-500
You are seen to be enjoying yourself.....GAME OVER
Quote from: Failed on December 29, 2009, 03:43:58 PM
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too."......-800
that one gets me everytime
Just for clarity are those points for score whoring??? haha
Achievement Unlocked
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something...5G
You smash it with a cricket bat...................10G
It's her cat...................................0G
Failed.
Why must you make me laugh aloud at work? What brought this on?
Very funny Failed :D
they'd also like me dead but that's another story for another time!
Wait til your married mate and most of this happens without a point penalty!
Oh,by the way,been married 17 years! :-\
17 years!!
Oh my god you must be ancient!!!
Lucky you've got people like me and Knikki around to lower the average!! hahahaha
(and before people say it, yes I know, that's the joke......)
Quote from: Kyuubi on December 30, 2009, 09:47:52 AM
17 years!!
Oh my god you must be ancient!!!
Lucky you've got people like me and Knikki around to lower the average!! hahahaha
(and before people say it, yes I know, that's the joke......)
We was together 8 years before we got married! I'll let you do the maths.
Quote from: NeuroticSarge on December 30, 2009, 10:27:05 AM
Quote from: Kyuubi on December 30, 2009, 09:47:52 AM
17 years!!
Oh my god you must be ancient!!!
Lucky you've got people like me and Knikki around to lower the average!! hahahaha
(and before people say it, yes I know, that's the joke......)
We was together 8 years before we got married! I'll let you do the maths.
Thats so sweet. I hope me and Stephen are together for that long and more
lmao. very funny failed :D
I think the most true part would be the following
IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH
You talk.........................................-100
You don't talk...................................-150
You spend time with her..........................-200
You don't spend time with her....................-500
You are seen to be enjoying yourself.....GAME OVER :D
Quote from: nCogNeato on December 29, 2009, 04:42:12 PM
Failed.
Why must you make me laugh aloud at work? What brought this on?
I was laughing at this in work and people were looking at me funny, so i thought i'd do the same to you. This is what i get for forgetting to take my HDD to work :(
Nice one Failed, ;D ;D ;D
Quote from: TaraJayne on December 30, 2009, 11:02:27 AM
Thats so sweet. I hope me and Stephen are together for that long and more
i just hope i live that long
Just to add a little help for the boys but I think its to late for Christmas
Ann Summers has come up with an easy guide to complete sexual joy
It explores the clitoris, The G spot,
and even shows the male where they are
' TWATNAV '
will be in their shops by Christmas!
Ann Summers would be way more interesting if men where there ;)
I got some stuff from Ann Summers for the gf this xmas, i had a look at plastic willies too :P ;D
Quote from: Failed on January 04, 2010, 12:38:51 PM
I got some stuff from Ann Summers for the gf this xmas, i had a look at plastic willies too :P ;D
Yours not up to the job then?
Quote from: NeuroticSarge on January 04, 2010, 01:51:03 PM
Quote from: Failed on January 04, 2010, 12:38:51 PM
I got some stuff from Ann Summers for the gf this xmas, i had a look at plastic willies too :P ;D
Yours not up to the job then?
... for when you visit :P
Quote from: Failed on January 04, 2010, 02:47:40 PM
Quote from: NeuroticSarge on January 04, 2010, 01:51:03 PM
Quote from: Failed on January 04, 2010, 12:38:51 PM
I got some stuff from Ann Summers for the gf this xmas, i had a look at plastic willies too :P ;D
Yours not up to the job then?
... for when you visit :P
lmao good come back
It's true, your are too much for me, your elephantitis really hit the wrong spots!
Quote from: Failed on January 05, 2010, 10:51:16 AM
It's true, your are too much for me, your elephantitis really hit the wrong spots!
Who said that more than a mouth full is a waste? That's what hands are for!
Quote from: NeuroticSarge on January 05, 2010, 02:51:44 PM
Quote from: Failed on January 05, 2010, 10:51:16 AM
It's true, your are too much for me, your elephantitis really hit the wrong spots!
Who said that more than a mouth full is a waste? That's what hands are for!
your eloquence is becoming :-*