Corrupt-A-Wish

[zerosum]

I wish I won the lottery.

Ok, granted, only problem  is - well, remember the short story, "The Lottery"?


[spoiler]
As told by Wikipedia:

Details of contemporary small town American life are contrasted with an annual ritual known as "the lottery." In a small village of about 300 residents, the locals are in an excited yet nervous mood on June 27. Children gather stones as the adult townsfolk assemble for their annual event, that in the local tradition has been practiced to ensure a good harvest (one character quotes an old proverb: "Lottery in June, corn be heavy soon"), though there are some rumors that nearby communities are talking of "giving up the lottery." In the first round of the lottery, the head of each family draws a small slip of paper from a black box; Bill Hutchinson gets the one slip with a black spot, meaning that his family has been chosen. In the next round, each Hutchinson family member draws a slip, and Bill's wife Tessieâ€"who had arrived lateâ€"gets the marked slip. In keeping with tradition, each villager obtains a stone and begins to surround Tessie. The story ends as Tessie is stoned to death while she bemoans the unfairness of the situation.[/spoiler]

Yeah, you won that lottery...thanks for playing!


I wish fuel prices were lower... 

[NODAK]

Wish granted, fuel prices soon plummet to record-setting lows.  Of course, now that the world's oceans have transmuted into oil, fuel prices are the least of your concerns.


I wish that karma was a physical law.

[donnieoneshot]

Wish granted......however.... the passing of the Karma Law led directly to the creation of the Karma Squad. A police force with powers above all other laws made up primarily of very large hairy mountain men with cacti ( cactuses?! ) in their pants.  When they come to exact vengeance on you for the afront you have caused ( eg: littering, jay walking, disobeying your mommy, mass murder etc...) then you will know that Karma is indeed a bitch!!

I wish all puppies were cute and cuddly!!!

[nCogNeato]

I wish all puppies were cute and cuddly!!!

Wish granted.  However, their advanced adorableness is actually an evolved adaptation to satisfy their growing hunger for human flesh.  Cuddle at own risk.



I wish sleep wasn't a necessity.

[zerosum]

I wish sleep wasn't a necessity.

Granted - sleep is no longer an issue.

And all appears to be going well initially, productivity and creativity are up in which helps advance portions of society. But with all the free time, crime rates also rise - syndicates plot continually- eventually leading to non-stop 24-7 global wars...and we all know what that's good for. 


I wish yardwork would take care of itself.

[donnieoneshot]

I wish yardwork would take care of itself.

Wish granted, all yard work now completes itself over night leaving the garden and surrounding areas looking spic and span the next morning. You spend ten minutes admiring it every morning on your way to work from the 'burbs!!!  However........ your better half now comes to the conclusion that all you really were useful for around the place was the yard work. She gets bored and picks up a nice young stud to entertain her and hatches an fiendish plan to bump you off for the insurance money and a life of debauchery with her ever growing list of young studs, all named Carlo, oddly.  So one morning driving to work, after admiring your perfectly and automatically manicured lawn, you find the breaks in your car mysteriously not working when you come to the incredibly dodgy cliff section of your commute to work.  So ends zerosum.  But your lawn looks great.


I wish junk food was good for you.