The Jokes Thread

[sambo]

Dear santa,
Dont bother coming this year, I've got loads of stuff already,
Delroy aged 8 tottenham

[nCogNeato]

The Disney Channel passed on my show about a group of 8 year old boys on bicycles solving mysteries.

That sounds great.  I wonder why they passed.  What's it called?

"The Pedal Files".

[donnieoneshot]

Not really a joke but I didn't know where else to put em!! 

Some Aussie Sayings !!

Dry as a dead dingo's donger
Busier than a one armed Sydney cab driver with the crabs.
I'm not pissing in your pocket mate!
Drier than a nuns nasty.
He had a head on him like a sucked mango.
One foot in the grave and the other on a banana skin.
May your chooks turn into emus and kick your dunny down.
Dig a hole and bury me, it just doesn't get better than this!
He's got a few roos loose in the top paddock.
(insultingly) Ankles. (three feet lower than a c*nt or the only thing seen out of the boss's arse - a suckup)
So unlucky that if it were raining virgins he would be struck in the head by a poof.
He's just a two-bob drongo!
Ya bloody galah!
Go pull a cow's c*nt over your head and get a bull to f*ck some sense into you.

[Windedprism]

wow!!

[donnieoneshot]

Two nuns, Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.

"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Catherine. "What shall we do?"

"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Helen.

Sister Catherine switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.

"What shall I do now?" she shouts.

"Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water at the Vatican ," says Sister Helen.

Sister Catherine turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.

"Now what?" shouts Sister Catherine.

"Show him your cross," says Sister Helen.

"Now you're talking," says Sister Catherine..

She opens the window and shouts, "Get the f*ck off the car

[Jurassic Parky]

What do you get if you cross a railway with a fridge?

Killed.

[donnieoneshot]

One day Little Susie got her monthly period for the first time in her life. Not quite certain what was happening, and somewhat frightened, she decided to tell Little Johnny.

Little Susie dropped her panties and showed Little Johnny what was happening.

Little Johnny's eyes opened wide in amazement. "You know," he said, "I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"