The Jokes Thread

[nCogNeato]

Nagging

That joke did not go the path I expected.  I think I've been reading way too many Rex jokes.   

[GamerMan316]

At the request of Failed, this is almost as funny as Liverpool not qualifying for the Champions League.

3DS visuals close to PS3 & 360

bloody hilarious 

[Astrex]

Nagging

That joke did not go the path I expected.  I think I've been reading way too many Rex jokes.   

Just the way we like em! DIRTY!! 

[CRracer_912]

The inventor of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.

Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?"

God said, "Ah, yes."

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
4. The intake is placed ! way too close to the exhaust.
5. And the maintenance costs are outrageous."

"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on." God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

[Astrex]

Short and Sweet

A salesman knocks at the door of a home and it's answered by a 12yr old boy with a cigar in one hand and a half empty bottle of scotch in the other. The salesman asks the boy, "Excuse me son but is your mom or dad in?" To which the boy replies, "Does it fucking look like it?"

[Astrex]

There were 3 gay men and their partners all died at around the same time. On their way to the morgue, the guy who worked there asked them where they want to spread their partners ashes. The first gay guy says, "I want to spread his ashes over the ocean because he loved to swim!" The second gay guy says, "I want to spread his ashes on a mountain because he loved to climb." And then the third gay guy says, "I want to spread him all over my chili, and the guy who worked at the morgue asked, "WHY?" and he said," So he can tear my ass up one more time."

[Astrex]

Mate sent this to me:

Two hookers were on a street corner. They started discussing business, and one of the hookers said, "Gonna be a good night, I smell cock in the air." The other hooker looked at her and said, "No, I just burped."

[GamerMan316]

Mate sent this to me:

Two hookers were on a street corner. They started discussing business, and one of the hookers said, "Gonna be a good night, I smell cock in the air." The other hooker looked at her and said, "No, I just burped."

Very old joke, still good though 

[Astrex]

Check it I'm on a roll I really lol'd out in the office when I found this one:

An old Indian was asked the name of his wife.
He replied, "Wife Name - Three Horse."
"That's an unusual name for your wife, Three Horse. What does it mean?"
"It's an old Indian name. Means Nag, Nag, Nag."

[Quintillus]

Q: What do you say to a man stealing a gate?
A: Nothing at all,as he will take a offense.

[TaraJayne]

Short and Sweet

A salesman knocks at the door of a home and it's answered by a 12yr old boy with a cigar in one hand and a half empty bottle of scotch in the other. The salesman asks the boy, "Excuse me son but is your mom or dad in?" To which the boy replies, "Does it fucking look like it?"

LMAO

[nCogNeato]

Short and Sweet

A salesman knocks at the door of a home and it's answered by a 12yr old boy with a cigar in one hand and a half empty bottle of scotch in the other. The salesman asks the boy, "Excuse me son but is your mom or dad in?" To which the boy replies, "Does it fucking look like it?"

LMAO

My favorite.  Jokes without a hitting punchline really stick in my brain and make me giggle all day.   

[sambo]

Woman comes home from a hard day at work,
Takes off her coat and goes to hang it up, But spot's her husband in the chair in a bad mood.
"Put your coat back on" he says, "we are going for a walk",
"Do we have to?" She replies, " I'm really tired, And don't want to go for a walk"
"Well if we don't go for a walk, You either suck my cock or take it up the arse" he demands,
" O.K, I'll suck your cock"  she Say's grudgingly.
So she get's on her knees, takes out his cock and is about to suck, Then stops.
" Your cock smells like dog sh*t" she say's,
" I know" replies the husband, " The Dog would not go for a walk either"

[nCogNeato]

ewwww

[Autarch Kade]

I sent puns to 10 of my friends, hoping at least one would get a laugh, but unfortunately, no pun in ten did.