The Gaming Lists Thread

[sambo]

The 10 Strangest Achievements

The Soprana (Saints Row 2)

Achievement Description:Sung Along to the Radio
Worth:10 gamerpoints

Obviously, you don't sing along yourself. That would be mildly disturbing for your co-op partner or anyone who happens to be in earshot, wondering why you're singing Take On Me at the TV. Unless you're a great singer. And hey, you could be! But then you'd be playing Lips and not this. Instead, you have to whack the radio onto the station that churns out 80s hits and wait for your character to sing along.


High Noon (Call in Juarez: Bound in Blood)

Achievement Description:Kill 4 enemies between 12:00pm and 12:15pm
Worth:5 gamerpoints

Every now and then in life, there will be something that you realise you have absolutely no opinion about, so you tend to just follow the crowd and their opinions yet. Vanilla ice-cream, Pixie Lott, Aston Villa... you neither love nor hate them. You're just not sure. The same could be said for this achievement. Is it a good idea? Is it rubbish? Who knows? Nothing like it has been tried before or since. We just don't know.


Let's Do Lunch! (Incredible Hulk)

Achievement Description:Crush 10 enemies by throwing either a taco, an ice cream cone or a doughnut
Worth:10 gamerpoints

You can kill someone with a traffic cone in Halo 3 (or yourself). You can batter someone to death with a rubbish bag in Saints Row 2. You can even take out enemies with a water gun in Matt Hazard. But being crushed to death by a doughnut? That ranks as the most embarrassing way to die in any 360 game. Or a taco. Or an ice-cream. Or even all three. Just don't let it happen to you.


The Great Leap Forward (A-Train HX)

Achievement Description:Complete the game within 5 years
Worth:60 gamerpoints

Some people like to moan about how long it takes to complete a game. Woe betide the developer who ushers you along to the end credits before you've spent at least six hours sat on your behind, for he will feel the wrath of the short-changed gamer slamming his fists against his keyboard to batter out angry posts on an internet forum to show his rage. Perhaps what Angry Gamer needs is a copy of A-Train HX. Look! It's a challenge to finish the game within five years. Good luck, see you in 2015!


Honeymoon (Lost Planet 2)

Achievement Description:Celebrate your six-month anniversary with Lost Planet 2
Worth:20 gamerpoints



Firing up the game six months after you get it is an easy way to nab this achievement but really, what are you achieving? Not much. We can't imagine it being anything other than a particularly depressing anniversary. Not that Lost Planet 2 is a bad game per se, just anniversaries are... you know. Not for games. Anyway, what is it with developers being scared we'll get rid of their games? After all, look at the next achievement on the list...


Obsessive (Brothers In Arms: Hell's Highway)

Achievement Description:While connected to Xbox Live, play the game once a day for 100 days
Worth:100 gamerpoints

For 100 days, you have to log on, play Brothers In Arms: Hell's Highway, then log off again. Fair enough. Except it's hardly up there with Modern Warfare 2. So really what you have to do is log on, create a lobby, wait 30 minutes for someone to show up, quickly try and start the match, swear at the screen as the other player quickly scuttles off, wait another 30 minutes, give up and vow to try again tomorrow. They didn't really think this achievement through.


Defeat King Poo (Blue Dragon)

Achievement Description:Find and defeat the rare monster King Poo
Worth:30 gamerpoints

Yes, you have to defeat poo for this achievement. But not any poo will do. You have to defeat King Poo! It sounds like the aftermath of a bad night out but it's a legit achievement. Even better (or worse), King Poo is one of the toughest monsters in this game, making this a smelly badge of honour for those hardcore enough to nab it. Just don't forget to wash your hands afterwards.


Hanging Chad (Tiger Woods PGA Tour 11)

Achievement Description:Provide feedback by taking a survey
Worth:25 gamerpoints



As strange as all the achievements on this list have been, at least they involve you playing the game in some way, shape or form. This one throws 25 gamerpoints for ticking a couple of boxes on a survey sheet. Even better, if you fire up your copy of Tiger Woods PGA Tour 11, the survey isn't even available yet. Brilliant work there, chaps. We're guessing "do you think this achievement is a good idea?" won't be one of the eventual questions.


Welcome to 2047 (Command & Conquer 3)

Achievement Description:Press the A button 2047 times, the year the game takes place
Worth:20 gamerpoints

For this achievement you have to press A. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. We're not going to type it out 2047 times but you get the picture.


Flushed (The Orange Box)

Achievement Description:Kill an enemy with a toilet
Worth:5 gamerpoints

You know what we said earlier about dying by a doughtnut being the most embarrassing way to snuff it? Maybe getting clanked on the head by a porcelain toilet is worse. The gravity gun in Half-Life 2 lets you fling all sorts of objects about - the razor-sharp discs being a special treat when you find them - and Valve decided to reward those who murder their enemies by flinging toilets about. It's like a Jackass skit gone wrong.

[GamerMan316]

Top Ten Video Game Websites that do Top Ten Lists
If you can't beat 'em, list 'em.

From the Top Ten Video Game Crates of All Time to the Top Five Mario Sprites Ever Created, it's difficult not to love a good list. But are you tired of the sheer quantity of list-based features cropping up all over the net? Maybe it's time to make a stand. Here's a list of the Top Ten Video Game Websites that do Top Ten Lists. Oh, the irony...

10. CVG

It's not all that often that CVG publish list-based features, and when they do they're normally the nice kind, spotlighting reader comments and things that happened within the world of gaming that week. Obviously nobody's told CVG that lists aren't supposed to make your regular readers feel all warm and fuzzy; they're meant to bring in the rabid fanboys who'll defend their favourite game to the death, simultaneously sending your page views soaring through the roof. As a result, CVG themselves almost failed to make this top ten, but they had to because we had to make up the numbers.

9. GameTrailers

GameTrailers very nearly placed higher on this list simply for having the audacity to put a separate channel on their website dedicated to Top Tens. To the site's credit, GameTrailers' 'Countdowns' are usually of a very high standard and timely to boot, from the post-New Year Most Anticipated Games of 2010 list to the Top Ten Disappointing Games of the Decade. But much to the list fan's disappointment, it's unfortunate that they rarely put them out.

8. VideoGamer

Amongst the usual fanboy-rousing assortment of 'Games We Hate' and 'Top 10 Video Game Crushes', there's the odd gem tucked away on VideoGamer.com that's actually genuinely entertaining. Neon's advice to 'Turn Professional' while listing the 'Top 10 Ways To Make Money From Gaming' almost screamed of a man desperate to get out of writing these God-forsaken things, while Wes' 'Portugal Don't Need To Be In It' bullet point from 'Why FIFA is better than the real World Cup' raised a certain chuckle in the GamerZines office/Ronaldo hate camp.

7. GamerZines

Let's not beat around the bush, we... heck, even I, have done a fair few top ten features in our time, including this one, obviously. We've even been foolish enough to repeat the same list twice, and we're certainly not going to stop doing the odd list as a result of this article. But are we fools, or are we the modern face of games journalism? Answer: not the first one.

6. Kotaku

Kotaku newsman Owen Good once published an article titled 'The Top 50 Cosplay Cleavage Shots'. Readers, with one hand on their joystick and the other on their mouse, desperately scrambled to their computers to see the epic breastage that Owen had promised. Except presumably upon realising how pathetic it was, Owen decided not to list all 50, instead leaving the 425,000-odd readers who clicked through to the article with five woefully low-res pictures before telling them to go elsewhere for their cosplay filth.

5. Ripten

Once upon a time there was a feature dedicated to asses. Video game character asses. The 'Top 10 Nicest' ones, according to Ripten. And so this little-known US blog was put on the map, drip feeding a new ass onto the net for an entire week. We were hooked. We were horny. We were horrified when the girls from Hitman came top.

4. Destructoid

Destructoid places one position higher than Ripten simply for having the nerve of replicating their idea for the top ten videogame asses. Or in Destructoid's case, arses. Denis Dyack was number one, though, which earned them some brownie points.

3. IGN

Similar to GameTrailers, IGN's lists are usually the polar opposite to the kind of list you'd expect on the majority of websites listed on this page. Rather than being the brash, hastily put together run downs we're used to seeing, they're usually well-produced, filled with content and trivia, and an absolute pleasure to read through. Just have a flick through their recent Top 100 Videogame Villains for proof.

2. GamesRadar

Who knew there were so many things about Halo that you could possibly talk about? Well, GamesRadar did. The site currently has 54 lists with references to Microsoft's shooter hidden away in its archives, including '37 Reasons To Hate Halo 3', despite, you know, giving it a perfect 10/10. And if that wasn't already funny enough, the last feature in their Halo 3 archive is called 'What The Hell Were We Thinking?!?!'. We couldn't have put it better ourselves.

1. NowGamer

There's scraping the barrel and then there's being NowGamer. With a feature page housing 15 of the buggers from a possible 20 at the time of writing, there aren't many other websites as devoted to lists as Imagine's online publication. In fairness, there are wisps of greatness bundled in with all the chaff - The 'Top Ten Most Outrageous Games Industry Quotes' raised a laugh, for example - but when the vast majority of them are directly targeted at riling the fanboys or pulling in horny teenage boys, we've got to wonder, what's the point?

[nCogNeato]

Top Ten Video Game Websites that do Top Ten Lists

Oh, the cleverness ..


... must ... resist ... head ... exploding ...

[Failed]

Top Ten Video Game Websites that do Top Ten Lists

Oh, the cleverness ..


... must ... resist ... head ... exploding ...

he's messing with the very fabric of the internet

[GamerMan316]

The Eight Most Disappointing Games Of Our Time (from GameInformer)

Some games get a lot of hype, but not every game can live up to the extraordinary hyperbolic promises dreamed up by marketing teams. Sometimes a game gets over-hyped, and it's obvious to everyone upon release that the game has metaphorically taken a dump in its pants. This is a list of the top eight games that were supposed to change the world but tripped over their own egos and ended up with humble pie on their face.


Star Wars Rogue Squadron III: Rebel Strike
GameCube – 2003



Factor 5's 2001 release, Rogue Leader, was a beautiful marriage of gorgeous environments and compelling space combat that touched on every high point in the Star Wars trilogy that counts. Two years later it was clear that the marriage had hit a rocky, "I'm staying with my sister," bottom. On-foot sections were introduced, but the controls were so sloppy that if every GameCube controller had been slathered in butter, gamers probably wouldn't have been able to feel the difference.


Xenosaga Episode II: Jenseits von Gut und Böse
PS2 – 2005



The original Xenosaga was a good game with a few flaws. The sequel in Namco's experiment in excessive storytelling tried to fix them by removing everything about the series that was fresh and exciting. It was like fixing a man's broken arm by chopping off his head. Xenosaga II's simplified battle system robbed the game of any fun and most of the voice actors sounded like they were chugging NyQuil. We're kind of glad the game was only half as long as its predecessor.


Too Human
Xbox 360 – 2008



Silicon Knight developed the critical darling Eternal Darkness, so how did this travesty happen? Maybe we should have been clued into the fact that there were problems at the studio when the company somehow combined two amazing Metal Gear Solid games together to produce an inferior title. We honestly thought Too Human was going to be a sci-fi epic of Asgardian proportions. What we got was a substandard hack-and-slash game buried in the debris of unfulfilled promises. The game tried to be a mix of action and RPG but lacked the depth of the best games in either genre. The most fun we had with Too Human was laughing at its schizophrenic controls.


Madden NFL 06
Xbox 360 – 2005



Usually a new console means developers can do more, but someone must have stole EA's playbook while it developed the first Madden game for the Xbox 360. This may be the first game to accomplish less on the new hardware than it did on the old systems. The awkward players looked like they were walking to the line of scrimmage with last night's after party on their breath – and they played the same way. Madden 06 was full of collision and animation problems, and even lacked mainstay features like the Owner and Superstar modes. Play-by-play commentary was also conspicuously MIA, making us wish that this Madden had just been benched.


Devil May Cry 2
PS2 – 2003



If the first game bled style, the sequel was just hemorrhaging. On the surface, Devil May Cry 2 looked like a little brother trying to imitate his cooler, older sibling. Redundant environments, a weak camera system, and a severe lack of challenge made this a disappointing sequel. This game's combat was about as shallow and empty as the section of the kiddy pool everyone pees in. Devil May Cry 2 made us cry.


Prototype
PlayStation 3, Xbox 360 – 2009



Prototype was a game that demoed well, but like a clunker being eagerly passed off by a used car salesman, it was clearly hiding something. As soon as we drove this game off the lot, we discovered its dirty secrets. The game's powerful combat abilities and freeform open world hid a poorly-designed and unimaginative superhero simulator. Prototype's camera would start dancing around like it was at a rave in the middle of combat. The game's story was about as coherent as an outpatient's dream journal. It's too bad this prototype went into full production before all its flaws were fixed.


Perfect Dark Zero
Xbox 360 – 2005



This sequel promised some exciting things, but Perfect Dark Zero was bold enough to bring last-generation gameplay to next-generation consoles. Crippled AI, an atrocious story, and unremarkable multiplayer killed any excitement we might have had for future Perfect Dark titles. We haven't even mentioned the strange glitches that caused dead enemies to bounce around the environment like kids on a trick-or-treat sugar rush.


Daikatana
N64, PC – 2000



The brainchild of Doom creator John Romero, Daikatana was a game with so many delays and reboots that only Duke Nukem could empathize. Some of Daikatana's ideas may have seemed ambitious when the game was first announced, but sloppy controls mixed with boring level design, dumb enemies, and uninspired weaponry came together to produce a shooter that made you want to shoot yourself.

[Astrex]

I liked prototype

[GamerMan316]

I liked prototype

Me too.

[nCogNeato]

That list is bogus.

Alpha Protocol should have been on it. 

[DFUSIONITE]

I don't remember devil may cry 2 being THAT bad. It wasn't a patch on the first one, but still they are being a bit harsh

[GamerMan316]

I don't remember devil may cry 2 being THAT bad. It wasn't a patch on the first one, but still they are being a bit harsh

Awful game mate, 3 was bad too.

[DFUSIONITE]

I don't remember devil may cry 2 being THAT bad. It wasn't a patch on the first one, but still they are being a bit harsh

Awful game mate, 3 was bad too.

3 was worse then 2, i actually quite enjoyed 2, but three was god awful. You hate on a lot of games i like though, well apart from gears 

[GamerMan316]

I don't remember devil may cry 2 being THAT bad. It wasn't a patch on the first one, but still they are being a bit harsh

Awful game mate, 3 was bad too.

3 was worse then 2, i actually quite enjoyed 2, but three was god awful. You hate on a lot of games i like though, well apart from gears

Oblivion sucks too 

I can't really say that as i've only played it for about an hour 

[Astrex]

Why isn't Gears of Crap on there?

[GamerMan316]

Why isn't Gears of Crap on there?

No such game 

[knikki91]

Like all these lists it is just someones deluded opinion about what is goo and what is crap 

I thought Perfect Zero was a class game and I like Prototype as well.

Think Gears should be on that list as well